Let Them Eat Organic Cake?

Posted on April 1, 2011


Dear Mitt Romney & Friends of Mitt Romney-

I don’t understand your disdain for organic food.  Apparently you can use it as a (hilarious!) shorthand now for “out of touch elitist.”  Is this because you think organic food was invented by liberal elites, the way that “caramel macchiato” probably was?  If so, I’m not sure that you understand what organic food is.  (Or what it’s theoretically supposed to be, at least).

You know how you fetishize pre-1960’s America?  You know how you wish we could all live like that again (well, the way white people did, specifically)?  You know what kind of cake people were eating then?  Organic cake.  All food was organic before science and industry got involved in one of the most natural of God’s natural processes (sound familiar?).  The idea of growing and eating organic food is actually anti-progressive and ultraconservative.  My great-grandma didn’t need to eat “organic food” because when she was growing up it was just called food.  Now for some reason we call fruit snacks “food” and real fruit grown in someone’s backyard “organic food.”  And then we’re a dick for eating it, I guess.

Also, you know how you believe that our bodies are holy temples?  And because of that you believe we shouldn’t ever allow more than one human penis to enter our bodies if we are female and no more than zero human penises if we are male?   So why does no one raise an eyebrow when we straight up chug a never ending stream of random animal body parts?  Hot dogs may not actually be made partly of pig and cow penises, but that’s what we were all at least told at some point in our lives right before we kept putting them in our mouths.  Would you say shoveling Cheetos and gas station pastries inside our holy-body-temples is respectful to that temple or disrespectful?   Do you think God cares less about what horrible things we put inside our holy-body-temples (outside of human penises, of course) and more about what a triumph of capitalism it is that we can feed a family of five for ten dollars without getting out of our cars?

How is the completely reactionary idea of organic food not something that reactionaries like you completely condone?  I look forward to hearing your thoughts.


Matt Houchin

Posted in: Politics